A Beautiful Life Has No Stress

I had a ridiculously stressful day.  I have a job that I do as a favor, and it really has very little to do with encouraging my spirit.  I guess my spirit is rather crippled, so I wonder sometimes how much we should sacrifice for the good of others at the expense of our own happiness.  I made a lot of progress over the past three years, but I can now acknowledge I am in a state of “idle,” running but going nowhere.  It really sucks.

There is a definite fear factor that keeps me stifled. I haven’t yet figured out how to conquer it.  From most outside opinions, I should think pretty highly of myself.  Sheesh…  Is this just the state of the artist mentality?  I’ve heard many people tell me artists lean toward self-loathing, but I can’t really say I truly loathe myself.  Well, maybe I do…  Or, I just avoid my art.  Someone close to me told me I really don’t want it that much.  That is a very interesting idea to ponder, because they are not the one who feels compelled to make sure a bunch of kids have clean clothes, good food, a warm and welcoming home to come back to after whatever battles they engaged in during their days at school, work, play, etc.  All that seems to fall upon my lop-sided shoulders.  (Do any of you women have a hard time keeping a purse on one or the other of your shoulders?)  So, yeah, I think I’m pretty amazing to have kept my sanity thus far, (did I share already there is a vein of psychosis running in my side of the family?) and I do think I can continue without psychiatric intervention.  But can I create??
Back to my obviously flawed title.  A beautiful life has a beautiful amount of stress.  The key is knowing how to make that stress something that drives us to excelling in everything we think is important to us and keep it from destroying us.

I say now that to try to do what everyone, or just anyone thinks is important is a grievous mistake.  Ahhhh…. What joy to wake up from that nightmare…  Please know you will never match up to someone else’s expectations without in some small or very, very big way harming yourself.  To be free to be is the key.  BE.  “I AM”, as God once said.  We are made in his image, no?  That is my motto too.  I’m tired of being a floating nothing.  I AM.  If you don’t like it, well…you know what they say…

 

p.s.  I found this on the blog I started four years ago just before the ground beneath me fell through.  I pasted the post here, with some small changes, because I can no longer log into that first blog.

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