Some say we learn what we live.  I think those people have it half right.  We live what we believe despite what we learn.  At least eventually…  When you’re a kid, you are sort of stuck with what you’ve got.  Some adults can stay stuck if they choose and never go beyond what they learn.  To each his own, in that case…  What we learn to believe may cause us to surprise ourselves and possibly everyone else.

There is no disputing that there are numerous studies confirming the cycle of dysfunction that can occur in families, even cultures.  But are there studies on the individuals who break the cycle?  Can someone’s inability to accept the model that has been given them ever break away from the stigma of its imprint?  Can there be an actual “starting over”, or will the past always be used to judge us, even rule us?  Does judgment have a place in love?  Judgment has no place in love.  At least not in my book.  We all write our own book of life.

I’ve been accused of not knowing what love is.  I use the term often.  “I love horses; I love trees; I love avocados; I love babies; I love to laugh; I love jewelry; I love a comfortable bed,” are things I’ll say without hesitation.  But I love people too.  Lots of people.  Even those I never knew or will know like Abraham Lincoln, Gilda Radner and Jimmy Page.  I have no problem saying I love someone who makes an impression on me that pierces me deep for whatever reason.  Does that make me someone who doesn’t understand what real love is?

I’ve studied I Corinthians 13 at length, and have fallen short of some of the points in verses 4-7 at one time or another, but in the end, “love never fails.”  So, as long as you love, you cannot fail.  I believe that with all my heart.

It’s an appreciation of life to feel love for something or someone.  Life in the deepest part of your soul.  Our life has an impact on everything in big or miniscule ways.  So let it be love we feel and learn to give in ways that help and never harm.  I have loved and caused immeasurable harm.  I can acknowledge that, cry about it, even write about it, but I cannot allow my past to judge me or hold me back.

One of the hardest things to learn when you grow up feeling unloved is learning to love yourself.  A teenager who feels unloved is a crash course in self-destruction.  I compensated my empty heart by loving those who let me and adopting their abusive ways to fit in.  I added some of my own punishments for good measure.  As I got older, I changed behaviors but the feelings of insecurity and unworthiness plagued me for decades.  I was almost forty before I got tired of hating myself.  If I kept listening to myself and others who were unsatisfied with me, I would never be at peace.  I had suffered long enough.

I have an insatiable need to give to others what I felt I lacked: unconditional love.  I readily loved those who others didn’t.  Someone pointed that out to me once in a way that was not complimentary.  Instead of reproving me, it actually knocked some sense into me.  And the most amazing thing began to happen.  Love set me free.  I woke up to who I wanted to be.  I could apply unconditional love to myself.

The right people, the right situations, the right opportunities present themselves when you start to see that we bring to ourselves what we want in our life.   Nothing  can happen that won’t allow love to have its way.  We can give in and embrace the ways we can grow through it or fight the losing battle against it.  Because you will always lose in a fight against love.  Love makes you believe in the POWER of love.

Love builds us up.  Love makes us feel solid.  Love whispers in our ear, “I am enough.”  Love makes us look ourselves in the eye and say, “You are enough, now get moving.”  Love makes it possible to move mountains.  That’s a whole lot of power at our disposal.  When love reigns, we know what to do at any moment.  The choice is ours.